Week Eleven, or, Whoa! Somebody Step On A Duck?

Hee hee hee.

Week eleven must be just about the very best week of them all. First the good news.

All women show in different ways. You may not even be showing right now. And if you are showing? Don't worry, because those women who do seem to be keeping their figures will be showing soon enough.

The bad news: your jeans are getting tighter, and buttoning them can be more work than usual.

The good news: You're off the hook! You can lay it all at the feet of your favorite hormone, progesterone.

The side effect:

...some of the less than flattering by-products of all the good [progesterone] does are bloating… and burping… and passing gas.

Come on now. I'm about to be a dad. Give me a few last gasps at juvenile giggles here. It's all part of this system of slowing down the digestion so that baby can get as many nutrients as possible. That builds up the assorted bubbles and bloating that give you some discomfort and embarrassment. But really, look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't get a laugh out of this line:

...your baby is oblivious to all your intestinal distress, and may even be soothed by the gurgling of your gastric symphony.

Seriously. You have to admit that "gastric symphony" is a spectacular line, right up there with "all the world's a stage."

What does the kid look like anyway? What to Expect, perhaps humiliated by losing to American Baby for the last two weeks in the head to head food comparison, has no comparison this week. It's just straight up hard facts. Length: two inches. Weight: 1/3 of an ounce. Head: still mutantishly large.

What If Your Future Isn't Poopy?

That's right. Constipation is something to expect when you're expecting. Remember all that miracle of life stuff? Yeah, one of the miracles is the miracle of the missing poo:

Here's how: During pregnancy, the hormone progesterone causes the smooth muscles of the large bowel to relax, making them sluggish — and allowing food to hang around longer in the digestive tract. The upside: There's added time for
nutrients to be absorbed into your bloodstream, allowing more of them to reach
your baby. The downside: what amounts to a traffic jam for waste products, with
nothing going anywhere anytime soon.

You're not constipated, the food is just hanging out longer. There's a party in your large bowel, and the last three days' worth of food you've eaten is invited!

How do you end this party and get rid of those annoying guests who don't know how to take the hint and leave? You can take more fiber by eating high fiber foods or taking a supplement. Always make sure you're getting plenty of liquids, at least eight glasses a day of water and/or fruit juices. You've heard it your whole life: prune juice works; it has a laxative effect. Something you might not have heard of? Warm liquids also can help you go. Finally, it's not a sin to check with your doctor. Some vitamins or supplements that help your pregnancy can also contribute to constipation.

Look at it this way, at least you're getting plenty of practice pushing!